Stolen Moments
by ggfan78
Summary: Sometimes there's nothing else to do but say Goodbye


The last thing Olivia wanted was to spend a night in the presence of Fitzgerald Thomas Grant the Third. Her head was still reeling from the last time at Ella's Christening. Her heart still ached, but more than that, she was finally angry. She took responsibility for the part she played, and it made her sick to the stomach to know that it was her betrayal that had led him to his darkness, that out of everyone he relied on her to be truthful with him at all times. She also took responsibility for the part she played in that closet, she could have just kept walking after she pushed him away, but after ten months, she wasn't quite prepared for the feeling of loss washing over her all over again when his lips were no longer on hers. Momentarily they both got what they wanted, but all it did was highlight that feelings only led them to heartache. It always did, after all this was the man that called her a mistress after years of scolding her for even thinking it, what happened in the closet wasn't love, it was payback. She shuddered as their conversation played in her mind.

"I made a mistake," Olivia said as he walked away as though nothing had just happened between them. Fitz paused,

"We both did. It won't happen again." Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat. She knew he was angry, and she's seen cold Fitz before, but this was stone cold ice Fitz.

"I was talking about Defiance," She uttered. He turned around and like a predator he came into her personal space.

"That wasn't a mistake. That was betrayal. We're done. I may not be able to control my erections around you but that doesn't mean I love you. We are done." Olivia inwardly gasped at his words, she didn't think anything would be worse than being called a mistress, she was wrong. If his words hadn't paralyzed her she would have handed him the biggest slap known to man. In that moment she went from Mistress to Whore, and she would never forgive him for that.

Olivia arrived at the Caldwell Gala hyper aware of her surroundings. She didn't want to see Fitz without being ready for him. As hard as she tried to mentally and emotionally prepared herself for it, she knew that her preparation would always fall short. Fitz had that affect on her. She clapped as they announced for him to take stage. He came out so confidently, as though nothing bothered him, that all was well with the world, as though he didn't spend every chance he had with a drink in his hand. It only confirmed what a great politician he was. It made her wonder where it began and where it ended. At that point she doubted everything. It was amazing how words had the ability to shatter what was built in years. As Fitz glanced around the room he paused as his eyes fell on Olivia in her dress. How breathtakingly beautiful she was, despite the anger he felt, she still made his heart stopped. She stopped clapping and the look on her face showed that she was angry now too. She turned her gaze away unable to look at him.

After Fitz had finished his speech, he worked the room. His eyes discreetly watched her from wherever he was. He caught look on her face as she answered her phone. It was one that he had seen many times, it was a look he had evoked many times before. The thought that anyone else had the ability to conjure that look from her, especially when she could barely look at him. Fitz's view was suddenly obscured by the crowds and by the time it had cleared, she was gone.

"Pete loves her, she's his wife. And she and I we have what we have. It might not be much, but it's what we have." Will said trying his best to make Olivia understand, unbeknown to him, she understood perfectly. Olivia took a deep breath,

"You have nothing. You have a pile of secrets and lies and you're calling it love. And in the meantime you are letting your life pass you by while they raise children and celebrate anniversaries and grow old together. You're frozen in time. You're holding your breath. You're a statue waiting for something that's never going to happen. Living for stolen moments in hotel hallways and coat closets. You keep telling yourself they all add up to something real because in your mind they have to, but they don't. They won't. They never will because stolen moments aren't a life. So you have nothing. You have no one. End it now!"

Without waiting for a reply Olivia turned to go back to the gala. Just as she reached the top of the stairs she came face to face with the President. The look on his face told her that he had heard every word she said. Without acknowledging him she proceeded to enter the building. Olivia slipped out of the Gala and had just reached her car when Tom caught up with her,

"Don't even." She groaned in frustration, her hand already on the door handle.

"Please Miss Pope, you know I am only following orders."

"Then lie, tell him I was gone before you got to me."

"Please." Olivia sighed,

"Fine, where have I been summoned to now?"

"The private guesthouse out back."

"Of course." She grumbled beneath her breath. Olivia followed Tom as he led the way to the guesthouse,

"You know being caught in a private guesthouse with someone as insignificant as someone who was once your mistress is probably not the best idea you've ever had, but then again who am I kidding, you hooked up with your Campaign Manager so where does one draw the line?" She saw him flinch as she referred to herself as his mistress, making her chuckle,

"So you can call me a mistress but I can't refer to myself as one?"

"Livvie," he said somewhat desperately,

"You don't get to Livvie me. Not anymore. We're done remember. Your words not mine. You don't get to change the rules whenever you want to. Or am I simply here for your erection?" she threw at him.

There was no doubt that he was angry at her, and that he no longer trusted her, but hearing her words to Will tore him up inside. They spoke the truth he knew she felt. As Fitz stepped towards her, she literally jumped back.

"Aren't you tired of this? Whatever this is? You get hurt by something I've done, so you hurt me, and it starts all over again, all in the name of this so called love we feel for each other. I heard you at Ella's Christening, we're done that it wasn't love, I heard you. I've been hearing you since Verna's funeral. Mistress right? I heard it all. So let me go, or it's not about actually wanting me but making sure nobody else does?" Olivia looked at him, to his credit he had the shame to hang his head.

"Fitz, I owe you an apology for a lot of things. I know I am not innocent in this whole thing and I take full responsibility for my actions. I am sorry for the part I played in Defiance. I am sorry that my actions have hurt you. That I wasn't strong enough to say no to the whole thing. I get the gravity of what we've done. It has haunted me every day since. You need to know one thing, you don't have to believe it, but my reasons for agreeing to it wasn't because I didn't think you could do it, that I doubted your ability. Truth is no reason will ever justify the action, not only was it illegal, it was immoral. It went against everything I believed in, but I did it and I am sorry for what it's done to you." Olivia began to pace as she continued,

"I never meant for you to ever doubt whether you are the right person for the job. You are! Your heart for the people, your courage, and your integrity is once in a lifetime. Don't allow something you had nothing to do with question your ability or your heart, because who you are is who you've always been. You would do anything for this country to ensure its prosperity. Don't allow what we did rob you any more than it already has." Fitz watched as she stopped pacing in circles to look right at him,

"You need to stop drinking Fitz." She softened for a moment,

"I can't. Everything hurts all the time. Drinking stops it hurting."

"No it doesn't. It just makes it hurt even more when it wears off."

"Why do you care?" he spat out bitterly,

"Right now, I don't know why either. But once upon a time I loved you, and I suspect a part of me always will. If I haven't been able to shake it off all these years, I doubt I ever will. I fell in love with you. That in itself comes with me caring about you even when I don't want to."

"You need to start leaning on Cyrus, he's your Chief of Staff. If nothing else, no one has ever believed in a presidential candidate more than that man believes in you. Yell at him, have it out, whatever. Or fire him. If he's not fulfilling his job then why keep him? It's been ten months, if you don't want him around because you don't trust him and you can't being yourself to trust him again, then cut him loose. But you and I both know no chief of staff has even as loyal as one Cyrus Beene, and that man has lived and breathed Fitzgerald Grant from the get go, I think that alone entitles him to a second chance, if not common decency. He's not your doormat Fitz. Don't treat him like one."

"So what we had was just a pile of secrets and lies?" Fitz asked softly, hurt seeped from his words.

"I never thought so till you called me your mistress, and had I had any glimmer of hope that it was more than that, was taken care of at Ella's christening." She answered.

"I'm sorry."

"I wish that were enough, but your I'm sorry's don't lessen how much it hurts any more than my I'm sorry's make you less angry. It is what it is. I think we stop romanticizing what we had. I mean did we really think we were the one exception to the rule. That we truly loved each other, it's a nice thought though. It certainly justified how wrong it was while we were in there, but you said so yourself screwing your Mistress is one thing, but marrying her is political suicide."

Fitz knew that one word undid everything they shared, followed by their exchange in the closet and the words he uttered shortly after nailed the coffin shut. He saw in her face that she no longer believed in what they had, that their love affair had been reduced to sexual encounters that meant nothing and how he had broken her. How they had broken each other.


End file.
